I dreamed a stupid story, so now I’m inflicting it on you.
One became two. Two became one. One became two again. The Lightning Brothers had arrived at Castle Grey. They bore the fabled weapons, and they were here to slay a legend.
The Dread Nor’thuulbarax the Second, Lord of Darkness, Eldritch Necromancer, and Lord of the Grave Most Foul squinted into the distance. He really should have put on his eyeglasses this morning, but it was just so hard to look properly intimidating as a skull whist wearing eyeglasses. He should probably work on that, but it had taken him decades of hideously gruesome magical experimenting just to manage squinting.
He was pretty sure these were the Lightning Brothers, anyway.
Five thousand four hundred eighty-two years ago, Dread Nor’thuulbarax the Second had read the Forbidden Tome, acquiring untold powers, his ascension accompanied by fire black as night and a chorus of a thousand skulls. (Nor’thuulbarax the Second knew exactly how impressive this was, because he had tried getting skulls to sing.)
The powers remained untold largely because Dread Nor’thuulbarax the First had died suddenly before he could bother explaining them to anyone. Awfully irritating, that. As the story went, Halgash One-Hand the Heroic had slain him using a pair of serrated knives known as the Key of Light and the Key of Darkness, two legendary artefacts now possessed by none other than the Lightning Brothers, Jynx and Janks.
The significance of being the inheritor of an immortal position was not lost on Nor’thuulbarax the Second. And the Lightning Brothers could very well defeat him; Jynx had one hand, too. But Nor’thuulbarax the Second was not worried. He knew their weakness.
So when Jynx and Janks stood smiling before him, having cleared a path through the obligatory heap of useless minions because Nor’thuulbarax was bored and wanted to watch, there were three smiles in the room. (Securing his own was a feat of osteokinesis of which Nor’thuulbarax was quite proud. Most skeletons barely manage a grin no matter what jokes he tells. Lousy audience for practicing his stand-up).
Nor’thuulbarax took a deep, bone-rattling breath (for effect), and began his monologue. “So at last you stand before me -“
“Is that a beautiful young woman at the door, Janks?”
“Indeed it is, Jynx. But is this really the time?”
“You know our long-standing agreement, Janks.”
“I note you only seem to remember this agreement when it is your turn to woo, Jynx.”
“So? Janks?”
“Very well, Jynx. Do be quick about it.”
“Thank you ever so kindly, Janks.”
Jynx trotted off cheerfully, mentally rehearsing his best woo, whilst his brother Janks twirled the Key of Light in his hand and turned his insolent grin upon Nor’thuulbarax the Second.
The battle began.
And it ended shortly thereafter, with Janks stabbing Nor’thuulbarax in the chest. With a brilliant flash of light, the necromancer dissolved into powder.
Ever so pleased with himself, the second Lightning Brother strode, whistling, out of the Tomb of the Mostly Unkillable, hoping to get some wooing in himself before the day was out.
The beautiful young woman ate him too.
The best plots came with a dash of deception, mused Nor’thuulbarax the Second as he reconstituted. He must make more of those.
It was a good thing his minion had managed to distract Jynx. If they’d stabbed him with both Keys, it might have actually worked. But it didn’t, and here he was, not yet dead of heroism. Cheered, Nor’thuulbarax bustled off to collect the implements of his downfall.
He’d hide them somewhere cleverer next time.